Awesome Vintage Legal Ad “The Book”

In a perfect world, I would definitely read this book to my future children. I mean, there is no better story for bedtime than one titled “The Story of an Accident Victim.” Evidently, in 1989, fear tactics weren’t even invented. This story is so tame, that it almost could pass off as a child’s story book. Come on! Where’s the sirens, flashing lights and gratuitous flash cuts? You can’t make a dramatic spot without flash cuts. I will admit, back in 1989, this spot could have inspired the minds that animated “Waking Life” and “A Scanner Darkly.” I’m sure it also took ages to render.  

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Awesome Vintage Legal Ad – “Grocery Store Fall”

This week is kind of a continuation from last week’s epic delivery slip and fall. This awesomely vintage ad demonizes your local produce clerk into a grossly negligent moster. Dark and evil music escalates the scene until poor Gertrude’s stiletto slips across the wet tile, sending her bag, keys and apple,….. directly to the ground?…. Then, shooting, (literally), across the floor?… Speaking of negligence, streaks of water are blatantly visible from previous takes of the keys sliding. Did they really not have time to let the floor dry before another take? Even a fan on set to expedite the process? Or, are those grease streaks from slicking up the floor? We may never know. I can’t stop thinking about the scene in Tim Burton’s Batman, where Mrs. Wayne’s pearls fall to the ground as her son witnesses their murder. I don’t think this slip and fall really warrants that much drama, but what do I know. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. Also note the excellent job at looping the final shot… Just make it a freeze frame.

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Awesome Vintage Legal Ad – “Delivery”

From our archive of over 2000 legal spots, this is by far the most physically demanding spot I have come across. I give props to any person, even stuntmen, who can do take after take of such a gnarly spill. Granted, I think this delivery driver had it coming. First, he rolls in driving a 2×2 1985 Toyota truck. I mean come on, Marty McFly rolled in the same year vehicle, but at least they sprung for the 4×4! I hope he has a boat load of sandbags in the bed because that rear-wheeled drive 2×2 is going to slide around corners as if it were “Too fast, too furious. Edgewater drift.” Second of all, he’s rocking a pair of cowboy boots. Anybody who has sported a pair of those knows, there is absolutely no traction whatsoever on the soles of those bad boys. He might as well be wearing hockey pucks for shoes, because when those soles freeze, they are slicker than Barry Melrose’s mullet. I just can’t get past how much that probably hurt. There are no crash pads, no spotters, just straight up coccyx to concrete.

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Awesome Vintage Legal Ad – “Huntin’”

This is, by far, my favorite AVL that I’ve come across. Maybe growing up in Conifer, CO is the reason I have a soft spot for debauchery and killin’ things. Nothin’ like gettin’ loaded and shootin’ a gun, boy howdy! I tell you what, these boys know how to do it right! Driving their winnebago straight into an Aspen grove (not the one with an Apple Store), poppin a few Barley pops, drinking straight from a bottle of jack, playing poker for popcorn, wearing the Sorel’s with the fur on top despite the fact there is no snow…. Straight up ballin’! I’m still trying to figure out what these guys are hunting for. They are all carrying shotguns, its the spring and they are obviously in the mountains. Turkey? I hate to break it to you fellas, good luck getting a bird producing that much racket and only one can of Copenhagen! Amateurs. I’m pretty sure I got some of my Senior pics taken in that aspen grove. Probably wearing a similar denim shirt no less.

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Awesome Vintage Legal Ad – “Mr. Mom”

Six years after the release of the motion picture “Mr. Mom” this gem hit airwaves across the country. Bob’s wife was injured in an accident, forcing him to tend to his two Ginger children and try to tame what appears to be a rocket-propelled toaster oven. Things are so tough for the John Edwards look-a-like, that he needs to wear an apron to keep the mess that is his life, from staining his now wrinkled dockers. To top it off, he is ridiculed relentlessly by elementary schoolers. It’s tough to be Bob. Pause at 17 seconds and peep the sick vintage 1987 AFC champion Broncos t-shirt the kid on the far left is wearing.

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